I've always believed that if someone has to become an entirely different person to make you fall in love with him, you probably aren't in love with the person.
You're in love with the transformation.
And while I certainly believe people should take care of themselves, develop good manners, and make an effort to be attractive to a prospective partner, I don't believe anyone should have to abandon his personality simply to earn someone's affection.
Which brings me to a television romance that has always bothered me.
Steve Urkel, Laura Winslow, and Myra Monkhouse on Family Matters.
Remember Steve?
The enormous glasses.
The high-waisted pants.
The suspenders.
That unmistakable voice.
And a laugh that could probably be heard three blocks away.
Steve Urkel, played by Jaleel White, wasn't exactly the kind of young man teenage girls were lining up to date.
He was awkward.
He was clumsy.
He was frequently irritating.
And he was absolutely convinced that Laura Winslow, played by Kellie Shanygne Williams, was the woman he wanted to marry.
Unfortunately, Laura wanted practically nothing to do with him romantically.
At least not until Steve invented a formula that transformed him into Stefan Urquelle.
Suddenly, the awkward boy next door became handsome, sophisticated, charming, and smooth.
And wouldn't you know it?
Laura was interested.
Then there was Myra Monkhouse, played by Michelle Thomas.
Myra didn't need Steve to become Stefan.
She liked the glasses.
She liked the suspenders.
She liked his intelligence, his enthusiasm, and the peculiar qualities that made him Steve Urkel.
And for years, she was genuinely interested in building a relationship with him.
Yet Steve never completely let go of Laura.
And eventually, after Laura began returning his feelings, Steve and Myra broke up.
Now, the complete storyline is more complicated than simply saying Laura loved Stefan and rejected Steve.
Laura ultimately chose Steve himself.
And Myra's behavior became increasingly troubling toward the end of the series.
But I still have a problem with the message this romance sometimes communicated.
Why did Steve spend so much time trying to win someone who didn't want him, while overlooking someone who appreciated many of the qualities he was trying to change?
And perhaps the more important question is what all three characters misunderstood about love.
Laura Had Every Right Not to Be Attracted to Steve
Let me begin by defending Laura.
Because I don't believe a woman is obligated to date someone simply because he's nice to her.
Steve was intelligent.
He was generous.
He could be thoughtful and loyal.
He genuinely cared about the Winslow family.
And beneath his sometimes overwhelming personality, he had a good heart.
But those qualities didn't mean Laura owed him a romantic relationship.
People can appreciate someone's character without feeling attracted to him.
And there's nothing immoral about that.
I wouldn't tell a young woman she should marry a man simply because he's kind, hardworking, or financially responsible.
Those are important qualities.
But marriage requires more than a list of admirable characteristics.
There needs to be affection.
Compatibility.
Mutual respect.
And some genuine desire to share a life together.
Laura didn't feel that way about Steve for much of the series.
And that was her right.
But here's where I become uncomfortable.
Steve's feelings were frequently presented as something Laura would eventually have to recognize.
He kept pursuing her.
He kept declaring his love.
He kept imagining their future together.
And the audience was encouraged to root for him.
Sometimes, however, I think we should have been asking whether Steve understood the word no.
Being a good person doesn't entitle you to another person's affection. And loving someone doesn't give you permission to keep pursuing her indefinitely after she's made her feelings clear.
That's a lesson Steve needed as much as anyone.
Then Steve Invented Stefan Urquelle, and Suddenly Laura Was Interested
The fifth-season episode "Dr. Urkel and Mr. Cool," which aired November 12, 1993, introduced one of the show's most memorable creations.
Stefan Urquelle.
Steve develops a scientific formula designed to change the qualities he believes make him unattractive.
His posture improves.
His voice deepens.
His movements become graceful.
His clothes suddenly fit like they belong to someone who understands fashion.
And the transformation is remarkable.
Goodbye, awkward Steve.
Hello, Stefan.
Naturally, Laura is impressed.
So are plenty of other people.
Stefan knows how to dress.
He knows how to dance.
He knows how to speak without making everyone in the room uncomfortable.
And he has the confidence Steve has spent years wishing he possessed.
Now, I'm not opposed to a makeover.
There's nothing wrong with a man improving his appearance.
If Steve wanted to wear more flattering clothes, wonderful.
If he wanted to improve his manners, terrific.
And if he could learn to enter the Winslow home without destroying something, I'm sure Carl would have appreciated that enormously.
But Stefan wasn't merely Steve with a new haircut.
The transformation also changed his personality.
And initially, not for the better.
He became arrogant.
Self-absorbed.
And considerably less compassionate than the awkward young man Laura had known for years.
That's when something interesting happened.
Laura realized she didn't particularly like this version of Stefan.
He was handsome.
He was charming.
But he lacked qualities she'd appreciated in Steve.
And she wanted the original back.
I give Laura credit for that.
Because it shows she wasn't completely blinded by appearance.
She recognized that good character mattered.
But it also raises an obvious question.
If Steve's kindness and compassion were so valuable, why did he have to become handsome and sophisticated before Laura began looking at him differently?
That's the part I find difficult to ignore.
Stefan Returns, and Laura Wants the Improved Version
The fifth-season finale, "Stefan Returns," takes the dilemma even further.
Steve develops a transformation chamber that allows him to become Stefan again.
But this time, the formula has been improved.
Stefan is still handsome.
Still smooth.
Still sophisticated.
But now he has the warmth and consideration that made Steve lovable.
In other words, Laura gets a version of Steve with the qualities she already appreciated, packaged in a man she finds physically attractive.
And she's delighted.
She even encourages Steve to undergo the transformation.
Now, I have mixed feelings about that.
On one hand, there's nothing unreasonable about wanting a partner who's both attractive and considerate.
I certainly wouldn't encourage anyone to choose between good looks and good character as though the two qualities were mutually exclusive.
But Steve's transformation involves something much more significant than choosing better clothes.
He's essentially being asked to replace the person he has been with someone Laura prefers.
And Steve is so desperate to win her affection that he's willing to do it.
I find that sad.
A young man who is brilliant enough to invent an extraordinary scientific device somehow believes he isn't good enough to be loved without using it on himself.
And here's the real tragedy.
Steve doesn't simply want to become more confident.
He wants Laura to love him.
Even if that means she falls in love with a version of him that isn't quite the same person.
Self-improvement should help you become a better version of yourself. It shouldn't require you to erase yourself to satisfy someone else's preferences.
And I think Steve needed to understand that long before he stepped into that chamber.
Then Along Came Myra, Who Actually Liked Steve Urkel
Myra Monkhouse first appears in the fourth-season episode "A Thought in the Dark," which aired January 29, 1993.
She's introduced to Steve through Laura and Ted.
And unlike Laura, Myra finds Steve attractive.
Not Stefan.
Steve.
She appreciates his intelligence.
She enjoys his peculiar mannerisms.
She isn't embarrassed by his glasses or his suspenders.
And she doesn't consider his enthusiasm something he needs to eliminate before becoming boyfriend material.
I find that refreshing.
Because Steve has spent years trying to convince Laura that he's worthy of her attention.
And here comes a young woman who actually wants to spend time with him.
Imagine that.
Someone who doesn't need to be persuaded.
Someone who isn't constantly rolling her eyes whenever he enters the room.
Someone who sees the qualities everyone else finds irritating and considers them part of his charm.
Now, I wouldn't suggest that Myra's affection automatically made her the right woman for Steve.
A relationship has to work for both people.
But I do think she deserved to be taken seriously.
And I wish Steve had asked himself why he remained so determined to win Laura when another woman was offering the affection he'd spent years wanting.
Sometimes people become so attached to the idea of winning someone's love that they stop considering whether the relationship would actually make them happy.
And I wonder whether that happened to Steve.
He had convinced himself that Laura was his destiny.
He'd imagined marrying her.
He'd built an enormous romantic fantasy around her.
But wanting something for a very long time doesn't necessarily mean it's the best thing for you.
And the fact that someone is difficult to win doesn't automatically make her more valuable than someone who loves you willingly.
Myra Didn't Treat Steve Like an Embarrassment
One of the things I appreciate about Myra's early relationship with Steve is that she wasn't constantly trying to hide him.
Steve could be embarrassing.
Let's be reasonable.
He could walk into a room and create a disaster before anyone finished saying hello.
His inventions frequently caused chaos.
And his enthusiasm could be exhausting.
But Myra didn't approach the relationship as though she'd been burdened with the responsibility of turning him into an acceptable human being.
She was attracted to him.
She liked spending time with him.
And she considered him desirable.
That's meaningful.
Because nobody wants to spend an entire relationship feeling as though his partner is embarrassed to be seen with him.
I don't believe people should expect unconditional approval of every habit.
If your partner behaves rudely, you can address it.
If he refuses to take responsibility, you can challenge him.
If he constantly damages other people's property, perhaps a little discussion is in order.
Especially if his name is Steve Urkel.
But there's a difference between encouraging better behavior and treating someone's personality as something shameful.
Myra initially offered Steve something Laura hadn't.
The experience of being wanted without first having to prove he could become someone else.
And I think that's worth recognizing.
A good partner shouldn't make you feel that the person you are today is merely an embarrassing preliminary version of someone she'd rather date.
That's not the same as saying people shouldn't grow.
It's saying that love should involve appreciation, not perpetual embarrassment.
But Steve Wasn't Entirely Fair to Myra
Here's where I have a problem with Steve.
He dated Myra for years.
They shared experiences.
They developed a relationship.
And Myra clearly wanted a future with him.
Yet Steve never completely stopped wanting Laura.
Now, people can't always control their feelings.
Sometimes an old attachment takes time to fade.
And being in a relationship doesn't automatically eliminate every memory of someone you once loved.
But there's a difference between privately recognizing an old attraction and remaining emotionally committed to pursuing someone else.
I wouldn't want to be the woman whose boyfriend still considered another woman his ultimate romantic goal.
Would you?
Imagine loving a man who tells you how special you are, spends time with you, and appreciates your affection—but somewhere in the back of your mind, you know that if his longtime crush finally called, you might become yesterday's news.
That's an uncomfortable position.
And I think Myra had legitimate reasons to feel insecure about Steve's attachment to Laura.
That doesn't justify everything Myra eventually did.
We'll get to that.
But I don't believe Steve should receive a free pass simply because he was the lovable nerd audiences wanted to see succeed.
If you're going to enter a serious relationship with someone, you owe that person an honest understanding of where your heart stands.
You don't have to promise marriage.
You don't have to guarantee that you'll never develop different feelings.
But you shouldn't treat a person as a permanent backup plan while waiting for someone else to become interested.
And I think Steve came dangerously close to doing that.
The Ninth-Season Makeover Makes the Story Even More Complicated
By the ninth season, Steve begins making changes to his appearance without completely transforming into Stefan.
In "Out with the Old," which aired September 19, 1997, Steve decides he wants a more mature look.
He changes his clothes.
He adjusts his hairstyle and glasses.
He improves his voice.
And he begins presenting himself with greater confidence.
He's still Steve.
He's still intelligent.
Still eccentric.
Still capable of creating extraordinary inventions.
But he's beginning to look and behave more like a grown man.
And Laura notices.
She becomes increasingly attracted to him.
Now, I don't think a woman is automatically shallow because she becomes attracted to someone after he improves his appearance.
Physical attraction matters in many romantic relationships.
And a person's manner, confidence, and maturity can influence how others perceive him.
That's perfectly normal.
But I still find the timing interesting.
For years, Steve had demonstrated kindness, loyalty, intelligence, and devotion.
Then he changes his appearance and presentation.
And suddenly Laura starts seeing him as a romantic possibility.
I don't think we should pretend that played no role.
But here's another twist.
Myra doesn't particularly like the changes.
She loves the original Steve.
The glasses.
The suspenders.
The familiar voice.
And she wants him to remain that way.
Which creates an interesting reversal.
Laura had once wanted Steve to change.
Now Myra doesn't want him to change at all.
And Steve is caught between two women with very different expectations of who he should be.
A person shouldn't have to remain exactly as he was when you met him simply because that's the version you fell in love with.
People grow.
They mature.
They develop new interests.
They change how they dress.
And sometimes they decide that habits they once considered charming no longer reflect the person they want to become.
A loving partner should have room to encourage that growth.
So while I appreciate that Myra loved Steve before his makeover, I don't believe she was entitled to prevent him from making changes he genuinely wanted.
That's an important distinction.
Myra's Love Eventually Became Too Possessive
I wish the writers had handled Myra's final storyline differently.
Because by the ninth season, her behavior becomes increasingly extreme.
Steve wants to move on from their relationship.
Myra doesn't accept it.
In "Breaking Up Is Hard to Do," their relationship ends.
Then, in "Crazy for You" and "Crazier for You," Myra tries to interfere with Steve and Laura becoming a couple.
She works with Stefan to sabotage the relationship.
She spies on Steve.
And she even interrupts Steve and Laura's date dressed like Laura.
Now, there's a point where romantic persistence stops being charming.
And Myra crosses it.
I don't excuse her behavior simply because I sympathize with her earlier position.
Being heartbroken doesn't give someone permission to invade another person's privacy.
And loving someone doesn't mean you're entitled to continue a relationship after he has ended it.
That's something Myra needed to understand.
I think it's particularly unfortunate that the writers took a character who had genuinely appreciated Steve and turned her into someone whose increasingly desperate behavior made it easier for the audience to support Laura.
Because there was a more interesting story available.
Myra could have recognized that Steve's heart wasn't fully committed to her.
She could have ended the relationship with dignity.
She could have found someone who valued her as much as she valued him.
And she could have demonstrated that loving someone doesn't require sacrificing your self-respect.
Instead, she became increasingly possessive.
And that weakened what I considered the most admirable part of her original character.
Her willingness to see something lovable in a person others dismissed.
Being willing to love someone as he is doesn't mean you get to control who he becomes—or demand that he continue loving you.
And I wish Myra had been allowed to learn that lesson without becoming the villain of the romantic triangle.
Steve Finally Experienced What Laura Had Been Experiencing for Years
Here's an irony I don't think we should overlook.
For years, Steve pursued Laura.
She repeatedly rejected him.
She told him she wasn't interested.
She became frustrated with his constant romantic declarations.
And Steve frequently treated those rejections as temporary obstacles.
He was convinced that persistence would eventually win her over.
Then Myra began behaving in ways Steve found intrusive.
She refused to accept that he wanted to move on.
She continued pursuing him.
She interfered with his relationship.
And suddenly Steve wasn't enjoying all that unwanted attention.
Imagine that.
Steve Urkel finally understood what it felt like to be pursued by someone who refused to accept no.
I think the writers missed an opportunity to make that lesson even more explicit.
Because Steve needed to recognize the similarity.
He wasn't wrong to tell Myra that her behavior was unacceptable.
He had every right to end a relationship he no longer wanted.
But Laura had also possessed that right throughout the years when Steve continued pursuing her.
And I think he owed her some understanding.
Perhaps even an apology for the times he ignored her wishes.
There's a Jewish teaching about not doing to another person what we ourselves find hurtful.
I think Steve could have benefited enormously from applying that principle to both relationships.
If you don't appreciate someone refusing to accept your rejection, you shouldn't expect someone else to consider your persistence romantic.
And that's a life lesson television ought to teach more often.
Love is not a competition in which the most persistent person automatically deserves to win.
Laura Ultimately Chose Steve, Not Stefan
Now, I want to be fair to Laura because the ending complicates my original complaint.
In "Pop Goes the Question," which aired July 3, 1998, Laura faces an extraordinary decision.
Both Steve and Stefan want to marry her.
And by this point, Stefan is no longer merely a temporary personality Steve creates with a formula. The series has established him as a separate individual through Steve's cloning invention.
So Laura has two different men to consider.
Stefan represents the glamorous, sophisticated man she once believed was perfect.
Steve represents the awkward, brilliant, loyal young man who has been part of her life for years.
And when the time comes to choose, Laura chooses Steve.
Not Stefan.
That matters.
Because it demonstrates that her feelings have changed.
She recognizes qualities in Steve that she now values more than Stefan's impressive appearance and polished manner.
I give her credit for that.
People grow up.
Their priorities change.
And sometimes they begin to appreciate qualities they overlooked when they were younger.
I don't believe Laura should have been permanently defined by how she felt about Steve as a teenager.
She was entitled to change her mind.
And Steve was entitled to decide whether he still wanted a relationship with her.
But I remain uncomfortable with the way the series arrived at that ending.
Because the romance didn't simply develop between two people who gradually came to appreciate one another.
It also involved years of unreturned affection, a scientific transformation, another girlfriend, a makeover, and an extended romantic competition.
That's quite a lot of effort to convince one woman that Steve Urkel was worth marrying.
And I can't help wondering whether the story might have been stronger if Steve had learned to stop chasing Laura long before she decided she wanted him.
Laura choosing Steve was meaningful. But Steve learning that he didn't need Laura to validate his worth would have been meaningful, too.
And I wish we'd seen more of that.
Being Chosen Shouldn't Be More Important Than Being Loved Well
One of the things that bothers me about romantic stories is the idea that the person who once rejected us becomes the ultimate prize.
If we can just make that person fall in love with us, we've won.
We've proven we're attractive.
We've proven we're desirable.
We've proven that everyone who overlooked us was wrong.
But that's not necessarily love.
Sometimes it's wounded pride.
Sometimes it's insecurity.
And sometimes it's the desire to win an argument we've been having with ourselves for years.
Steve spent so much time trying to convince Laura that he was worthy of her affection.
But he was already worthy of being treated with dignity.
He didn't need Laura to certify that.
Myra's original attraction demonstrated that someone could appreciate him without the transformation.
And I think that was an important lesson the show could have emphasized.
Of course, Steve wasn't obligated to love Myra simply because she loved him.
And Myra wasn't entitled to keep him simply because she'd recognized his qualities before Laura did.
But perhaps Steve should have spent less time asking how to win Laura and more time considering what kind of relationship he actually wanted.
Did he want someone who admired his intelligence?
Someone who appreciated his humor?
Someone who could tolerate his peculiar habits while challenging him when necessary?
Someone who respected his ambitions and encouraged him to grow?
Those are questions worth asking.
And I'd want him to recognize that a compatible relationship requires more than finally getting the girl you've wanted since childhood.
I examined another version of this issue in "Natalie Slept With Snake, Then He Pulled Away: What The Facts of Life Got Right About Sex and Self-Respect."
The circumstances are different, but the underlying principle is similar.
Your value as a person shouldn't rise or fall according to whether someone you love chooses to stay with you.
And that's something I would have wanted Steve Urkel to understand.
What Jewish Wisdom Teaches Me About Love, Dignity, and Respecting Another Person's Choice
There's a teaching from Hillel in the Talmud, Shabbat 31a, that I find particularly relevant to this entire storyline.
In essence, it tells us not to do to another person what we ourselves find hurtful.
It's a beautifully simple principle.
And yet people seem to have an extraordinary amount of difficulty following it.
Steve didn't like Myra refusing to accept his decision.
But he spent years struggling to accept Laura's rejection.
Laura didn't want Steve pressuring her romantically.
But at times, she seemed perfectly comfortable encouraging him to become Stefan because that version appealed to her.
And Myra wanted Steve to love her exactly as she was, while becoming increasingly unwilling to accept that he wanted to change and eventually leave the relationship.
Each character had legitimate feelings.
But legitimate feelings don't erase our responsibility to consider another person's dignity.
I also think of Ben Zoma's teaching in Pirkei Avot 4:1.
Who is truly honored?
The person who honors others.
I find that distinction important.
Because romantic relationships aren't supposed to be about proving that we're more desirable than someone else.
They're supposed to involve mutual consideration.
You can't demand respect for your own feelings while disregarding another person's.
And you can't claim to love someone while treating his independence as an inconvenience.
There's another part of the same teaching about being content with what one has.
I wouldn't interpret that as an instruction to settle for an unhappy relationship or remain with someone you don't love.
But I do think it reminds us to recognize the value of what is already in front of us.
Sometimes we're so busy imagining how wonderful life would be if we obtained something elusive that we fail to appreciate the good things we already have.
And I think Steve was vulnerable to that.
Myra offered affection and admiration.
Laura represented the relationship he'd dreamed about for years.
And he remained intensely attached to the dream.
But here's where fairness matters.
Being a mensch wouldn't have required Steve to marry Myra.
It would have required him to treat her honestly.
It wouldn't have required Laura to date Steve.
It would have required her to respect his dignity.
And it wouldn't have required Myra to celebrate losing someone she loved.
It would have required her to accept that love cannot be forced.
Love doesn't mean possessing someone, reshaping someone, or waiting until you've worn down someone's resistance. It means respecting the other person's freedom to choose.
That's the moral framework I wish the show had emphasized more consistently.
What I Would Have Told Steve Before He Became Stefan
If Steve were sitting across from me, explaining that he planned to transform himself into Stefan Urquelle to win Laura's affection, I would have a few questions.
First, I'd ask whether he genuinely wanted to change.
Did he want better clothes?
Did he want to improve his manners?
Did he want to become more confident?
Or was he simply trying to become the sort of man Laura would accept?
Because those are different motivations.
There's nothing wrong with self-improvement.
I encourage it.
But I'd want Steve to understand that the goal should be developing himself, not replacing himself.
Then I'd ask him about Laura.
How many times had she told him she wasn't interested?
What reason did he have to believe another transformation would produce the kind of lasting relationship he wanted?
And why was he so determined to win someone who hadn't chosen him willingly?
Then I'd ask about Myra.
Did he care for her?
Did he enjoy her company?
Could he imagine a future with her?
And if not, why was he continuing a relationship that left her feeling as though she was competing with someone else?
I wouldn't tell Steve that he had to choose Myra.
But I would tell him that she deserved honesty.
And that Laura deserved the freedom to decide whether she wanted him.
I would also remind him of something he seemed to forget.
He was an extraordinary young man.
Brilliant.
Inventive.
Loyal.
Generous.
And capable of doing remarkable things.
Yes, he could be annoying.
Yes, he needed better boundaries.
And yes, a little improvement in his social skills would have been welcome.
But none of those shortcomings made him unworthy of love.
He didn't need a transformation chamber to become someone worth knowing.
He needed to recognize his own value and treat the women in his life with the same consideration he wanted from them.
The right person won't require you to pretend you're someone else. But she'll also have the right to expect you to keep growing into a better version of yourself.
That's the balance I think Steve needed.
My Verdict: Steve and Laura Got Their Happy Ending, but Myra Deserved Better Than Being the Obstacle
I know the series wanted us to celebrate when Laura finally chose Steve.
And I understand why.
Steve had loved her for years.
He'd been loyal to the Winslow family.
He'd demonstrated kindness and generosity.
And eventually Laura recognized that he possessed qualities she wanted in a husband.
There's something satisfying about that.
But I still wish the writers had approached the relationship differently.
Because Myra's introduction offered the show a wonderful opportunity to teach an important lesson.
You don't have to spend your life trying to convince someone to love you.
There may be another person who appreciates the very qualities you've been taught to consider embarrassing.
Someone who enjoys your company.
Someone who respects your intelligence.
Someone who doesn't require an elaborate transformation before admitting she's attracted to you.
I liked that about Myra.
And I wish she'd been allowed to leave the relationship with more dignity.
Not because Steve owed her marriage.
He didn't.
But because her early affection for him represented something valuable.
The recognition that a person doesn't need to conform to everyone else's expectations to be lovable.
Unfortunately, Myra eventually became possessive and intrusive.
And I won't excuse that behavior.
Love doesn't entitle someone to spy, manipulate, or refuse to accept a breakup.
But neither do I think her later misconduct erases what was initially admirable about her feelings.
I also don't blame Laura for changing her mind about Steve.
People mature.
They recognize qualities they overlooked.
And sometimes friendship becomes something deeper.
But I think the series could have demonstrated that without making Steve spend years trying to become the person Laura wanted.
At fifty-one, I've become much less impressed by people who make someone chase them indefinitely.
And I'm equally unimpressed by people who refuse to accept that their affection isn't returned.
I believe in pursuing a relationship when there's genuine mutual interest.
I believe in improving ourselves.
I believe in looking beyond superficial appearances.
And I believe that character matters enormously when choosing a partner.
But I also believe that love should be freely given, not extracted through persistence, manipulation, or a willingness to abandon your identity.
Steve wasn't wrong to love Laura.
Laura wasn't wrong to reject him.
Myra wasn't wrong to love Steve.
And Steve wasn't wrong to end a relationship that no longer worked for him.
The mistakes came when those feelings became excuses to disregard someone else's choices.
That's where the lesson belongs.
I think Steve and Laura's eventual happiness could have been even more meaningful if we'd seen Steve truly accept that he was worthy of love whether Laura chose him or not.
And I think Myra could have taught an equally important lesson by recognizing when it was time to let go.
Because being a mensch isn't simply about loving someone passionately.
It's about loving responsibly.
Knowing when to be honest.
Knowing when to respect a boundary.
And knowing when to stop trying to become someone else's idea of perfect.
Steve Urkel didn't need to become Stefan Urquelle to be worthy of love. He needed someone who could appreciate him, encourage him to grow, and respect who he was becoming.
Maybe Laura eventually became that person.
Maybe that was the story the writers wanted to tell.
But I still think the road to their happy ending left an important lesson behind.
Sometimes the person who loves you as you are is worth appreciating.
And sometimes the most important thing you can do for yourself is stop trying to win someone who doesn't want you.
Because love shouldn't require a scientific breakthrough.
It should require two people who genuinely want to be together.
Preferably without either one needing to step into a transformation chamber first.
