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I have a great deal of respect for Andy Taylor as a father. He usually had more patience and common sense than half the people in Mayberry put together. But there were times when even Andy needed somebody to straighten him out.
And in "Opie's Charity," that somebody was Aunt Bee.
I've always believed children need guidance, discipline, and parents who aren't afraid to correct them. I also believe parents have an obligation to find out what actually happened before deciding their child deserves a lecture.
Being the adult doesn't automatically make you right.
This episode of The Andy Griffith Show is one of my favorite reminders that sometimes the person doing all the talking is the one who needs to shut up and listen.
Three Pennies and One Very Embarrassed Father
The trouble begins when Annabelle Silby, who's helping organize a charity drive for underprivileged children in Mayberry, tells Andy that Opie donated a whopping three cents.
Three pennies.
Andy is mortified.
Other children have contributed considerably more, and Andy can't understand why his own son would be so stingy. After all, Opie has money saved in his piggy bank. He certainly isn't starving or going without necessities.
When Andy confronts him, Opie explains that he's saving his money to buy something for a girl named Charlotte.
Well, that doesn't exactly improve Andy's mood.
He assumes Opie would rather spend his savings impressing a little girlfriend than help children who are less fortunate.
And once Andy reaches that conclusion, there's apparently no talking him out of it.
Opie tries to explain himself, but Andy has already decided what kind of behavior he's dealing with.
He's raising a selfish child, and he's embarrassed about it.
Except there's one little problem.
Andy doesn't know the whole story.
Sometimes Parents Are So Busy Teaching That They Forget to Listen
In "Opie the Birdman," I admired Andy for teaching Opie to take responsibility for his mistake. But in that episode, Opie was the one who needed correcting. In "Opie's Charity," the tables are turned, and Andy is the one who needs to learn a lesson.
I can't stand it when adults do this.
They ask a child a question, get an answer they don't like, and immediately launch into a speech without bothering to find out what the child actually meant.
The adult does the talking. The child does the listening. And everybody is supposed to consider the matter settled because the grown-up has spoken.
Andy isn't trying to be cruel. He wants Opie to grow up generous, considerate, and willing to help people who need it.
Those are values I wholeheartedly support.
But Andy makes a mistake that changes the entire conversation. He confuses what he assumes about Opie's intentions with what he actually knows.
He sees three pennies and decides his son lacks generosity.
He hears about Charlotte and decides Opie is wasting money on a girl.
He never stops to ask the obvious question.
What are you saving the money for?
Instead, he delivers a lecture about charity, selfishness, and responsibility.
At one point, he even sends Opie upstairs and threatens to withhold supper until the boy agrees to contribute more.
Now, I'm old-school about discipline, but I don't believe withholding a child's meal is the way to settle a disagreement over a donation.
And I certainly don't believe a parent should be punishing a child for motives he hasn't bothered to understand.
Aunt Bee Knows Exactly What's Wrong
Thank goodness for Aunt Bee.
While Andy is carrying on about Opie's supposed selfishness, Aunt Bee recognizes something her nephew has completely overlooked.
Andy is becoming more concerned with what other people think of him than with understanding his own child.
He's the sheriff. He's a respected member of the community. He's involved in the charity drive.
And now people are going to think his son is cheap.
Heaven forbid.
Aunt Bee reminds Andy that he knows what kind of boy Opie is. One small donation shouldn't suddenly erase everything he knows about his son's character.
She's absolutely right.
I think this is one of the biggest mistakes people make when judging others. They take one action, one mistake, or one piece of information and build an entire story around it.
Then they treat that story as fact.
And once they've decided they're right, good luck getting a word in.
The funny thing is that the episode also involves Annabelle Silby's extraordinary efforts to preserve her reputation. She's allowed the town to believe her husband died rather than admit he left her.
Andy can recognize the foolishness of Annabelle's pride, but he's slower to recognize his own.
That's some pretty clever writing.
And it gives Aunt Bee an excellent opportunity to remind him that being worried about appearances isn't the same as being worried about doing what's right.
The Truth About Charlotte's Coat
Eventually, Andy discovers what Opie has actually been saving his money for.
Charlotte needs a new winter coat.
Her old one is worn out, and her mother can't afford to replace it.
So Opie has been saving his money to buy her one.
Not candy. Not toys. Not some frivolous little present to impress a girl.
A coat.
For a child whose family can't afford one.
Let that sink in.
Andy has been lecturing Opie about helping underprivileged children while Opie has quietly been trying to help an underprivileged child.
And he isn't doing it because somebody came around with a collection box.
He's doing it because he knows Charlotte, sees what she needs, and wants to help.
If that isn't generosity, I'd like to know what is.
When Andy wonders why Opie didn't explain himself earlier, his son gives him the simplest answer imaginable:
"You never asked me."
Four words.
And suddenly all of Andy's speeches about charity don't sound quite so impressive.
The best part is that Andy knows he's been wrong. When Opie asks what's for supper, Andy jokes that he's going to have crow.
At least the man knows when it's time to eat a little humble pie.
Teaching Generosity Shouldn't Become a Competition
There's another lesson in this episode that I think deserves attention.
I'm all for teaching children to give to charity. I believe they should learn that other people have needs, that helping someone is a good thing, and that generosity shouldn't depend on whether there's something in it for them.
But when did charitable giving become a competition over who contributes the most?
Three cents might seem like nothing to an adult, but the amount alone doesn't tell us how generous someone is.
One person might donate a hundred dollars without giving it a second thought. Someone else might give five dollars that they had to work hard to save.
Does that automatically make the first person more generous?
I don't think so.
And I don't believe children should be taught that the most important thing about giving is making sure everybody sees how much they contributed.
That's not the lesson I'd want a child taking away from a charity drive.
I'd rather see a child notice that another child needs a winter coat and decide to do something about it.
Opie wasn't trying to win anyone's approval.
He wasn't waiting for applause.
He simply wanted Charlotte to have something she needed.
Now that's the kind of generosity worth encouraging.
What Andy Taylor Should Have Done Differently
Here's where I stand.
Andy was right to want his son to understand charity and responsibility.
He was wrong to assume that a small donation meant Opie was selfish.
And he was wrong to let his embarrassment influence the way he treated his child.
If I were in Andy's position, I'd want to know why Opie had contributed so little before making any judgments.
I'd ask what he was saving for. I'd listen to his explanation. Then, if there really were a problem with his attitude, we'd talk about it.
That's not being permissive.
That's being fair.
I don't believe children should get away with everything simply because they're children. But I also don't believe adults should get away with being unreasonable simply because they're adults.
Parents set an example through their own behavior.
If we want children to be honest, we should be willing to hear the truth.
If we want them to be fair, we should treat them fairly.
And if we want them to admit their mistakes, we ought to demonstrate that we can admit ours.
Andy eventually recognizes that he misjudged Opie, which is one reason I continue to admire him despite his mistakes.
A good parent doesn't have to be right every single time.
But a good parent should have enough humility to recognize when they're wrong.
Being a Mensch Means Doing Good Without Needing Credit
What I love most about "Opie's Charity" is the contrast between Andy's idea of generosity and what Opie is actually doing.
Andy is concerned about the amount his son donated to an organized charity drive.
Opie is concerned about a girl who needs a coat.
Both involve helping people, but only one of them has become tangled up in pride, appearances, and what the neighbors might think.
I've always believed that being a mensch means doing something decent because someone needs help, not because you want everybody to admire you for doing it.
And sometimes the smallest, quietest gesture tells us more about a person's character than the grandest public display.
That's what Opie understood, even if he couldn't have explained it in those words.
Andy thought he was raising a selfish little boy.
It turned out he was raising exactly the kind of child he wanted Opie to become.
He just needed to stop lecturing long enough to notice.
And that's the lesson I'd like parents to remember.
Before you decide your child needs correcting, make sure you've listened long enough to know what you're correcting.
You might discover that the kid has something to teach you.
Episode discussed: "Opie's Charity," The Andy Griffith Show, Season 1, Episode 8. Originally aired November 28, 1960.
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