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I've always liked Andy Taylor.
He's a good father, a sensible sheriff, and usually the only person in Mayberry who can settle a disagreement without turning it into a three-ring circus.
He's patient with Barney, understanding with Opie, and remarkably good at seeing through other people's foolishness.
But put an attractive woman in front of him, and suddenly the man who knows everything about human nature seems to forget half of what he's learned.
And I've got a bone to pick with him.
Because after revisiting several episodes of The Andy Griffith Show, I've noticed something that doesn't sit particularly well with me.
Andy Taylor could be an extraordinarily reasonable man—until a woman had more money than he did, knew something he didn't, showed a little independence, or made him think she might want to marry him.
Then, all of a sudden, his common sense went right out the window.
I'm not suggesting Andy was a terrible man.
Quite the opposite. I think his better qualities make his behavior toward some of the women he dated especially worth examining.
A man who knows how to treat strangers fairly ought to know how to extend the same courtesy to a woman he's interested in.
And a man who spends so much time teaching his son not to judge people should probably stop making assumptions about the women he's dating.
So let's revisit Peggy McMillan, Karen Moore, and Ellie Walker.
Because these ladies put up with an awful lot from the sheriff of Mayberry.
Peggy McMillan Was Rich. Apparently, That Was a Problem.
Let's begin with "Andy's Rich Girlfriend," which aired October 8, 1962.
Andy has been seeing Peggy McMillan, a nurse played by Joanna Moore.
She's attractive, intelligent, pleasant, and seems genuinely interested in him.
They enjoy spending time together.
Everything is going nicely.
Then Andy discovers that Peggy comes from a wealthy family.
Her father owns a substantial grain business in Raleigh, and he's given her an expensive new car.
And suddenly Andy begins behaving as though he's discovered she's from another planet.
He becomes uncomfortable about their different backgrounds.
He worries that she won't enjoy the simple things he enjoys.
And after taking her to a fancy restaurant where he feels completely out of place, he begins convincing himself that the relationship can't possibly work.
Now, I understand that differences in income and lifestyle can create genuine difficulties in a relationship.
If one person expects expensive vacations and the other prefers fishing by the lake, there may be conversations worth having.
But here's the important part.
Andy didn't actually ask Peggy whether those differences bothered her.
He decided for her.
He assumed that because she'd experienced wealth and sophistication, she couldn't possibly enjoy ordinary life in Mayberry.
Never mind that she'd already been enjoying herself with him.
Never mind that she worked as a nurse rather than simply spending her father's money.
And never mind that the woman had shown absolutely no indication that Andy's modest lifestyle was beneath her.
Andy looked at her family's bank account and invented an entire personality to go with it.
Then he began pulling away.
I don't admire that.
Peggy Was Right to Call Andy a Snob
What I particularly love about this episode is that Peggy doesn't simply sit around wondering what she did wrong.
She confronts Andy.
And she calls him a snob.
Good for her.
Because that's exactly what he was being.
People usually associate snobbery with someone wealthy looking down on someone who has less.
But it can operate in the opposite direction, too.
If you automatically assume a wealthy person is shallow, spoiled, or incapable of appreciating ordinary pleasures, you're still judging that person by money.
You're just doing it from the other direction.
Peggy hadn't asked Andy to become somebody else.
She hadn't demanded an expensive lifestyle.
In fact, she reminds him how much she enjoyed their simple outing by the lake.
The problem wasn't that Peggy couldn't appreciate Andy's world.
The problem was that Andy couldn't believe she would.
And there's a lesson here I wish more people understood.
Don't reject someone for reasons you've invented on that person's behalf.
If you're worried about a difference in lifestyle, have the conversation.
Ask what matters to the other person.
Explain what matters to you.
Then decide whether you're compatible.
But don't insult someone by pretending you know what she wants better than she does.
Peggy had every right to be angry.
And Andy was fortunate she gave him another chance.
Karen Moore Didn't Realize She Was Applying for a Position
Next comes "The Perfect Female," which aired November 27, 1961.
Barney and Thelma Lou arrange for Andy to meet Thelma Lou's visiting cousin, Karen Moore, played by Gail Davis.
To their credit, Andy and Karen genuinely like each other.
They have a pleasant conversation, discover common interests, and arrange another date.
So far, so good.
Then Andy makes a mistake.
He starts treating the relationship as though he's evaluating a candidate for a job.
He wants to learn whether Karen likes children.
Whether she can cook.
Whether she enjoys music.
Whether she shares his interests.
And Aunt Bee helps him with the questioning.
Now, I'm not against finding out whether someone shares your values.
I actually think it's important.
If you're a widowed father raising a little boy, you ought to care whether the woman you're considering dating likes children.
And if marriage is a possibility, questions about values, responsibilities, and compatibility are perfectly reasonable.
But there's a difference between two people getting acquainted and one person conducting an examination.
Andy and Aunt Bee were doing rather a lot of examining.
And Karen didn't even know she was taking the test.
The worst part?
Andy was acting as though Karen's qualifications were being measured against his expectations, without giving much thought to whether he was equally suitable for her.
Compatibility is supposed to work both ways, Sheriff.
A woman isn't auditioning for the honor of being allowed into your life.
She's deciding whether she wants you in hers, too.
Karen's Skeet-Shooting Lesson Was Beautifully Deserved
Here's where the episode gets particularly entertaining.
Karen happens to be an accomplished competitive shooter.
In fact, she's a skeet-shooting champion from Arkansas.
But during their outing, Andy assumes she's merely there to watch him shoot.
He fusses over her.
He tells her to protect her ears.
And he doesn't even offer her the opportunity to handle the shotgun.
Karen tries to tell him something about her experience, but he never really lets her get around to it.
I can appreciate a man being courteous.
There's nothing wrong with carrying something for a woman or trying to make her comfortable.
But courtesy becomes condescension when you assume she's incapable of doing something simply because she's a woman.
Karen doesn't need Andy to introduce her to shooting.
She's considerably better at it than he is.
And when she discovers that Andy has been evaluating her suitability, she decides to give him a little demonstration.
She enters the skeet-shooting competition.
Against Andy.
And she beats him.
Perfect score.
Twenty-five targets to Andy's twenty-three.
I enjoyed that enormously.
Not because I believe women should compete with men over absolutely everything.
And not because I think a relationship should be a contest to determine who's superior.
But because Andy needed to learn that being good at something doesn't automatically mean the woman standing beside you knows less about it.
And Karen wasn't finished.
After the competition, she turns the tables and begins evaluating Andy's interests, abilities, education, and prospects.
Suddenly, he doesn't particularly appreciate being treated like a candidate who must meet someone else's specifications.
Imagine that.
He finally understands how insulting his behavior has been.
And to Andy's credit, he admits he deserved the dressing-down.
That's one reason I still enjoy the series.
The writers don't necessarily expect us to admire his behavior.
Sometimes the entire point is watching a sensible man discover that he's been acting like a fool.
But I still think Karen deserved an apology—and some genuine respect—before she had to embarrass him in public to get his attention.
Ellie Walker Accepted a Date, and Andy Imagined a Wedding
Now let's discuss Ellie Walker, played by Elinor Donahue.
Because Andy's treatment of Ellie might be the most ridiculous of all.
In "Irresistible Andy," which aired October 31, 1960, Andy invites Ellie to the church picnic and dance.
She accepts.
A perfectly ordinary social invitation.
But then Andy starts worrying that Ellie wants to marry him.
Not because she's proposed.
Not because she's made some grand declaration of love.
She agreed to go to a picnic.
That's it.
Somehow, Andy convinces himself that Ellie and her uncle are conspiring to trap him into matrimony.
And instead of having an adult conversation, he comes up with a scheme.
He sends several eligible Mayberry bachelors to court Ellie, hoping she'll become interested in someone else.
Excuse me?
Andy invites a woman on a date, then tries to get rid of her because he's frightened she might actually like him.
I've heard of mixed signals, but this is ridiculous.
And what bothers me most is that he never gives Ellie the courtesy of explaining what she actually wants.
He decides what she's thinking.
He decides what her intentions are.
Then he begins manipulating the situation to protect himself from a problem that exists mostly in his imagination.
That's not good judgment.
That's cowardice disguised as cleverness.
If Andy didn't want to continue dating Ellie, he was free to say so.
If he wasn't interested in marriage, he could have explained that he wasn't looking for anything serious.
He didn't owe Ellie a wedding.
But he did owe her honesty.
And sending other men to pursue her because he couldn't manage a straightforward conversation was insulting.
Fortunately, Ellie discovers what he's doing.
And she lets him know exactly what she thinks.
Good for Ellie.
I would've had a few words for him myself.
Peggy Cooks Dinner, and Andy Thinks He's Being Trapped Again
You'd think Andy would've learned something from his experience with Ellie.
Apparently not.
In "Andy and Opie, Bachelors," which aired October 22, 1962, Aunt Bee leaves town for a few days.
Peggy kindly offers to help Andy and Opie while she's away.
She prepares a lovely dinner, spends time with them, and makes the household a little more pleasant.
Sounds terrible, doesn't it?
A thoughtful woman doing something nice for people she cares about.
Call the authorities!
But Floyd the barber begins putting ideas into Andy's head.
He warns that Peggy might be making herself indispensable so she can eventually become Mrs. Andy Taylor.
And Andy starts believing him.
The more helpful Peggy becomes, the more suspicious Andy gets.
Instead of appreciating her kindness, he begins worrying that she has an ulterior motive.
Eventually, he tries to create some distance.
Now, I don't believe a woman should automatically be expected to cook, clean, and take care of a man's children simply because she's dating him.
And I certainly don't believe helping a man around the house obligates him to marry her.
But that's precisely why Andy's reaction is so irritating.
Peggy offered kindness. Andy interpreted it as strategy.
Why?
Because Floyd suggested it?
Because women supposedly spend their days plotting how to capture unsuspecting bachelors?
For a sheriff who normally sees through Barney's exaggerated stories, Andy seems awfully gullible when someone tells him a woman is out to get him.
Eventually, Andy realizes that Peggy can be a helpful friend without trying to force him into marriage.
Wonderful.
But how many times does this man need to learn the same lesson?
Not every woman who enjoys spending time with you is trying to drag you down the aisle.
And not every act of kindness comes with a hidden contract.
Sometimes dinner is just dinner.
Then Andy Wanted to Marry Ellie Because Another Man Showed Interest
Here's the contradiction that really gets me.
In "Irresistible Andy," he panics because he thinks Ellie wants to marry him.
But in "The New Doctor," which aired March 27, 1961, he suddenly becomes interested in proposing when he thinks a handsome new doctor might be attracting Ellie's attention.
Now, isn't that convenient?
When Ellie might want him, he's worried about being trapped.
When someone else might want Ellie, he's worried about losing her.
And apparently the solution is marriage.
I'd like to know what changed.
Did Andy suddenly discover a deep desire to build a future with Ellie?
Or did he simply dislike the thought of another man becoming important to her?
Because those are two very different motivations.
I don't believe jealousy automatically means somebody is deeply in love.
Lucy and Ricky Ricardo had their own problems with jealousy and assumptions, which I explored in "What Lucy and Ricky Ricardo Taught Us About Marriage—and What They Got Wrong." Different couple, different sitcom, but the same mistake: allowing suspicion to replace communication.
Sometimes it means that person doesn't like losing attention.
Or doesn't like discovering he isn't the only option.
And I don't think marriage should become a tool for winning a competition.
If Andy genuinely wanted to marry Ellie, he should've been thinking about their compatibility, shared values, future plans, and whether they were both ready.
Not whether another man might get there first.
A marriage proposal should be an expression of commitment, not an emergency response to jealousy.
For goodness' sake, Andy.
You're the sheriff, not a man bidding on the last rocking chair at an auction.
Ellie Wanted to Run for Council, and Andy Wanted Her to Know Her Place
This one isn't strictly about dating, but it tells us quite a bit about the way Andy viewed women.
In "Ellie for Council," which aired December 12, 1960, Ellie decides to run for a seat on Mayberry's town council.
Andy is horrified.
A woman?
On the town council?
Whatever will Mayberry do?
He argues that women should leave government matters to men and concern themselves with things like shopping, hats, and social gatherings.
I wish I were making that up.
But that's essentially the argument the sheriff puts forward.
The man who regularly outsmarts mayors, bankers, criminals, and practically everybody else in town suddenly can't imagine a capable woman participating in local government.
And remember who Ellie is.
She's an educated pharmacist.
She has professional responsibilities.
She's demonstrated intelligence and independence.
Yet Andy acts as though discussing public affairs is somehow beyond her proper place.
Now, you can have traditional ideas about marriage or family roles without believing women are incapable of intelligent thought.
You can believe men and women have differences without treating one as mentally inferior.
And you can disagree with a candidate's proposals without arguing that she shouldn't hold office because she's female.
But Andy doesn't begin by considering Ellie's qualifications.
He objects to the idea of a woman running at all.
Worse, he helps turn the dispute into a battle between the men and women of Mayberry.
And there's something especially embarrassing about that.
He's a public official.
He ought to understand that citizens have the right to participate in local government.
Instead, he allows his personal prejudices to interfere with his judgment.
Eventually, Opie repeats some of the same dismissive ideas about women that he's heard from his father.
And Andy finally recognizes what he's been teaching his son.
He changes his position and supports Ellie's right to run.
I'll give him credit for that.
But he shouldn't have needed to hear his own foolishness coming out of a child's mouth before recognizing it.
A man doesn't demonstrate respect for women by treating them nicely only when they stay within the roles he prefers.
He demonstrates it by respecting their judgment, abilities, and right to make decisions even when they disagree with him.
Ellie deserved that respect from the beginning.
Barney and Floyd Weren't Helping, but Andy Was Responsible for His Own Decisions
I've noticed another pattern in these stories.
Andy allows other men to influence the way he views women.
Barney fills his head with ridiculous ideas about rich girls.
Floyd warns him that a woman cooking dinner is preparing a marriage trap.
And Barney's enthusiasm for matchmaking makes Karen's date feel like a formal evaluation.
Now, Barney and Floyd are wonderful comedy characters.
Their nonsense makes the show entertaining.
But I don't think Andy gets a free pass just because somebody else planted the idea.
He's a grown man.
He's the sheriff.
And he spends half his professional life telling Barney not to jump to conclusions.
Yet when it comes to women, he'll listen to some of the most ridiculous theories imaginable.
Here's a piece of advice I'd give anybody who's dating.
Stop allowing people who aren't in your relationship to invent motives for the person you're seeing.
If your friend tells you a woman only wants your money, find out whether there's any evidence.
If someone claims a man is interested in you only because he wants something, consider the facts rather than adopting the accusation.
And if you're uncertain about someone's intentions, have a conversation.
Don't punish the person for an imaginary offense.
Andy was supposed to be the voice of reason.
He should've known better.
The Real Problem Was That Andy Expected Women to Prove Themselves
Looking at these episodes together, I see something more significant than a series of amusing romantic misunderstandings.
Andy wanted a woman who appreciated his simple lifestyle.
But when Peggy did, he didn't believe her.
He wanted someone compatible with his interests.
But when Karen proved she shared one of them, he was caught completely off guard.
He wanted companionship.
But when Ellie showed interest, he worried about being trapped.
Then when he thought another man might take her attention away, he became jealous.
And when Ellie wanted to participate in government, he struggled to accept that she had ambitions beyond what he considered appropriate.
Do you see the contradiction?
Andy wanted to be accepted for exactly who he was, but he wasn't always prepared to extend the same courtesy to the women he dated.
He could be modest, practical, intelligent, and independent.
This tendency to jump to conclusions wasn't limited to Andy's romantic life. In "Andy Taylor Got It Wrong: What 'Opie's Charity' Teaches Parents About Listening," I examined how he unfairly judged his own son before understanding the facts. Apparently, even Mayberry's wisest man needed frequent reminders to listen.
Those were admirable qualities in Andy.
But when a woman displayed wealth, competence, ambition, or initiative, he sometimes treated those qualities as problems.
And I don't think we should ignore that simply because Andy was likable.
Being charming doesn't excuse being unfair.
Having good intentions doesn't excuse condescension.
And possessing excellent judgment in one area of life doesn't guarantee you're using it everywhere else.
That's a lesson I think plenty of people could benefit from.
You Can Be Old-Fashioned Without Treating Women Like Fools
I want to make something clear.
I don't have a problem with old-fashioned courtship.
I like manners.
I appreciate a man who keeps his word, behaves respectfully, shows consideration, and takes relationships seriously.
And I don't think traditional values automatically make someone unreasonable.
But there's a difference between being traditional and being patronizing.
Holding a door open for a woman is considerate.
Assuming she's incapable of handling a shotgun because she's wearing a pretty dress is patronizing.
Taking an interest in whether a woman shares your values is sensible.
Questioning her as though she's applying for a position in your household is insulting.
Wanting a relationship that could lead to marriage is perfectly respectable.
Assuming a woman is plotting to marry you simply because she accepted a date is absurd.
And believing a good marriage involves different responsibilities doesn't justify dismissing a woman's intelligence or judgment.
Good manners and respect ought to go together.
Otherwise, what exactly are those manners worth?
It's entirely possible for a man to behave like a gentleman on the surface while holding some awfully unflattering assumptions about women.
And I think Andy occasionally demonstrated that distinction beautifully.
Unfortunately for Andy, the women he met weren't always willing to tolerate it.
The Women of Mayberry Deserved More Credit
Something I appreciate about these episodes is that the women don't always quietly accept Andy's behavior.
Peggy calls out his snobbery.
Karen turns his evaluation right back on him.
Ellie refuses to accept his assumption that she's desperate for a husband.
And when he opposes her political ambitions, she challenges his thinking.
These women aren't simply standing around hoping the sheriff will choose them.
They have opinions.
They have abilities.
And when Andy acts foolishly, they tell him so.
Good.
That's exactly what I want to see.
But I also think we ought to give the writers credit for recognizing Andy's flaws.
These episodes frequently end with Andy admitting he was wrong.
The show wasn't always suggesting that his attitudes were admirable.
Sometimes the joke was precisely that Andy, of all people, could behave so badly.
And that's what makes the stories worth revisiting.
We can appreciate the humor while taking the lesson seriously.
We don't have to pretend the characters were perfect.
And we certainly don't have to approve of everything they did simply because we love the show.
What Andy Taylor Should Have Learned About Dating
If I could sit Andy down at the kitchen table with a cup of coffee, I'd tell him a few things.
First, stop assuming you know what women want.
Ask them.
Second, stop treating differences in income, education, or experience as evidence that two people can't enjoy each other's company.
Find out.
Third, if you're not interested in marriage, say so.
Don't invent elaborate schemes to discourage a woman who hasn't even proposed.
And fourth, if you want someone to accept you for who you are, be prepared to do the same.
You may discover that a woman has talents you don't.
Good.
You may discover that she earns more money.
Fine.
You may discover she has ambitions that don't revolve entirely around you.
That's not an insult.
That's what happens when you're dating another human being instead of an imaginary character designed to satisfy your expectations.
I'd also remind Andy of something he regularly taught Opie.
When you make a mistake, admit it.
And when you've treated someone unfairly, apologize.
If Andy's romantic misunderstandings sound familiar, visit Marriage 101 — The Ricardo School of Domestic Survival, our free Couch Potato U course about jealousy, honesty, communication, and treating your partner with respect. Lucy and Ricky certainly had some lessons to learn, too.
Not because you want the argument to end.
Because you recognize that the person deserved better.
Andy Taylor Was a Good Man. That Doesn't Mean He Was Always a Good Date.
I still love The Andy Griffith Show.
I still admire Andy's patience, kindness, and common sense.
And I think he remains one of television's more memorable fathers.
But I'm not going to pretend he was equally wise about everything.
His treatment of Peggy, Karen, and Ellie reveals a man who could be insecure, judgmental, overly concerned with conventional expectations, and surprisingly susceptible to other people's foolish advice.
The very things he corrected in Barney and Opie sometimes appeared in his own behavior.
And I think that's worth pointing out.
Because being a good man isn't something you accomplish once and then never have to think about again.
It's something you demonstrate in the way you treat people.
Including the people you're dating.
Especially the people you're dating.
A woman shouldn't have to prove she isn't a snob, a marriage hunter, an incompetent amateur, or a threat to your independence before you'll treat her fairly.
And a man doesn't become more respectable by making a woman feel smaller.
I don't care how charming he is.
I don't care how beloved he is.
And I don't care how many problems he solves for everybody else in town.
If he can't extend the same fairness to the woman sitting across from him at dinner, he's got some learning to do.
Fortunately, Andy Taylor was capable of learning.
Peggy, Karen, and Ellie made sure of that.
And I suspect Mayberry's sheriff would've been a considerably better boyfriend if he'd spent a little less time worrying about what women might want from him and a little more time listening to what they were actually saying.
Because a mensch doesn't simply behave decently when it's convenient.
He treats people fairly even when his pride, insecurity, or expectations are getting in the way.
And Andy?
You were a fine sheriff.
But when it came to dating, those women had more than a few legitimate complaints.
Sources and Further Reading
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